Squeaky’s Blog

It all started on Thursday when I went to pick WC up from pre K.  It was so nice out Giggles and I had the windows down in the car.  We were almost at WC’s school when Giggles started shouting ball, and pointing out the window.  He had thrown his bouncy ball out the window.  This was one of the few balls he knew was his and only his.  It was the cutest one I had seen in a long time.  It was white with the shiny colored confetti mixed in.  On our way back home we stopped a few times and I walked down the street looking for it and I think we drove like 5 miles an hour some of the way.  Well I gave up and we went home.  I went to get him out of his seat and he looked at me and said ball like I was supposed to have it and hand it over to him.  My heart broke for him over this silly little ball.  I thought to myself wow the things I will do to make my kids happy.  So I guess we will make a trip to the fun factory and hopefully get enough tickets to get him another one.  Then came Sunday morning and Giggles brought me one of his toys.  It was the blow up push toy that rolls back to the baby and helps them to learn to crawl.  Well he found it in his room and brought it to me and so I blew it up for him.  The whole time I was blowing it up he was smacking it and saying “ball”.  Finally, it was done and I gave him the toy and what do you know he screamed at me and shoved it back in my arms.  What?  Thinking he was unsure I rolled it on the ground and that made him scream even more.  Poor Giggles went and got it, brought it back, pointed inside the toy and said “ball”.   I finally figured it out he wanted the little balls inside the toy.  I tried to explain they wouldn’t come out but he didn’t want to hear it.  Frustrated I told him to take it to Papa and off he went whimpering “ball”.  DP apparently didn’t do anything for him because two minutes later he came back whining “ball”.  Once again, I tried to tell him they don’t come out.  Pissed off he grabbed the toy and ran into WC’s room.  A few minutes later he came back out with the toy and WC’s play chisel.  Then gave me the toy to hold as he tried to stab the seam and I couldn’t help but laugh.   Again, I tried to explain to him that that balls didn’t come out and it ended with him storming off into his room screaming and crying and shutting his door behind him.  He had to sit in his room crying for a good few minutes when I went to check on him.  The poor boy was sitting in the dark in front of his closet with another toy.  It was one where you drop the balls in and they come out on the side with extra places to drop from and come out of, and it played some music when the balls hit the bottom.  So here is Giggles crying in his room whimpering ball and holding his toy trying to shove some dog toy ball about the size of a tennis ball down the slot that a ping pong ball would fit in.  I felt bad and for him so we went to find the balls that went to the toy.  We could only find one but he was happy for a while.  Then just before dinner time he started all over again and I happened to be on the phone with my mom.  Who asked what his problem was and after I told her the story and both the toys actually came from her.  She felt so bad listening to him whimper ball that she said it was torturing him and to just pop the thing and give him the balls.  Okay I figured she bought and was the one saying pop it so what the hell.  I got a steak knife, sliced a big whole and gave Giggles the balls.  That child was so happy.  He ran into the other room with all three balls to show DP.  Then he ran to his room and sat down with his toy and dropped his balls in with the biggest smile on his face.  He sat and played with that toy and then when he came out into the living room he brought the toy and the balls.  He wasn’t about to let them out of his sight after all he went through to get them.  Even this morning when he got up he ran straight for the balls with a big smile on his face.

We all know the saying “An eye for an eye.”  There are times in life where we know something is wrong yet do it anyway.  Sometimes with out hesitation and others we ponder over what to do, knowing the consequences could be great.  In general though I think most people believe in Karma and try to do what’s right until they are crossed.  It’s our instinct to protect ourselves and our children.  When someone hurts a child people all over the world feel for the parent and child.  We know how much we love our own and the thought of something happening to them tears us up inside and out.  We seem to long for that revenge and justice for a child more than we do for our own.  It’s widely know that if you hurt a child and are caught, charged and sent to jail that the other inmates will take their turns taking out their anger for the situation on the person.  I have no problem with this.  I think if you are bold enough to hurt a child then you can suffer the consequences what ever they may be.  I think sometimes it’s better to let a man suffer in jail being abused by other inmates then to give them the death penalty.  The death penalty to me is like suicide.  It’s a way out when you can’t deal with the current situation going on in your life what ever it may be.  To me it seems to lack any real punishment.  I believe when you are dead that’s it there is no rotting in hell or going to heaven, your just dead.  So if someone commits some unbelievable act on a child then I think they should suffer, after all it’s an eye for an eye.  What kind of quality of life does a prisoner have really when he is being tortured every chance the other prisoners can.  I have my own children and remember what it was like when they were newborns fresh home from the hospital.  They were so small and fragile and the love I had for them was and is still immeasurable.  I can’t think what I would do if they were hurt then or now.  So, when I saw a link on Facebook where a father raped and beat his 8 day old daughter I almost puked!  I thought about my friends with baby girls and changing their diapers wondering how in the world a grown man could get his penis in them.  The pain that baby had to go through and then to be beaten after.  This was not by some stranger or extended family member but her father!  Her father!  I just can’t understand.  I am holding back tears thinking of the pain she went through and the trauma that will stay with her for the rest of her life.  If she lives this will be public record or at the very least know by the family.  When she gets older and starts asking questions what will her mother be able to say?  It’s not going to be something that can be lied about.  It’s going to come out.  How do you explain this to her?  Not only did the poor baby girl live through this but now she will eventually find out the truth and have to come to some sort of terms later in life.  She will not only suffer now from the actual abuse but the mental abuse that this will bring later.  A part of me thinks that if she lives the mother should pack up with her change the names of them both and cut all ties to the family and start over.  Then maybe just maybe they both can put this behind them and pray that it never comes out and have some sort of a normal life.  The problem is that the mother is only 15.  The father on the other hand was 18 and yes that’s young but there is no excuse for what he did.  I have no desire to know why he did it.  I am shocked that he lived long enough to be arrested.  I think if it had been me I would have killed him.  It’s hard enough for me to listen to DP yell at the boys when they need to be yelled at.  So, I can’t imagine what kind of rage went through the mother and family.  A friend of mine said she would like to hear what the 18year old father had to say and you know I really just don’t care why.  He and the mother created that baby girl and he just hurt her more than anyone ever could with his actions.  It’s one thing if she had gone through this by some stranger or extended family member but this was her father.  This is the man that created her and was supposed to love her and protect her from all the evil things in the world.  Yet he just became her worst nightmare.  The only thing I can put a positive on is that thank god she is so small she will never remember what happened and have to relive it for the rest of her life.  I pray that he goes to jail for life and that the other inmates beat the crap out of him daily and rape him every chance they can.  I hope he learns and feels the pain he put his baby girl through.  I hope he suffers for a long time.  I hope he comes to realize how unspeakable this act was and that one day after he has been forced to suffer over and over takes his own life.  After all, his life is now worthless because of his actions.  I pray that this baby girl never has to know the pain of what he did.  I pray that she makes it and grows up to be a healthy woman with a life filled with love and happiness.

Here is the link to the story:

http://www.myeyewitnessnews.com/news/local/story/Father-Charged-with-Rape-of-8-Day-Old-Baby/gWsjkpvEAUSWeDaSwofKRA.cspx

I remember the book from growing up and I have to say that even over the years I still hate it.  It’s another one of those things that gives me the creeps.  I think it’s got to be because of Halloween right around the corner all the dark and gloomy things are coming out and I keep remembering a new thing from my childhood I hate.  I don’t know what it is about the book that I dislike and a part of me thinks I should go back and read it.  I just don’t see that happening though.  I honestly am wondering if it’s just the pictures because that’s what I always see.  I was talking to DP about this the other night and he thinks I am kind of crazy.  I can’t blame him though.  I told him that if he wanted to take WC to see it to go ahead and take him but I wouldn’t be going.  I hate that book so much that I told DP I don’t want the book or the movie in the house!  I am going to tell the family that I would appreciate it if no one bought it for him since he will not be allowed to watch it when I am home.  How sad is that?  It’s like the Nutcrackers, or the Dark Crystal to me.  They are both movies I hate.  I can’t stand Nutcrackers so much that I refuse to own any!  I don’t even like to look at them on display anywhere.  My mom says that when I was really little maybe 4 or 5 that I was forced to watch the Nutcracker and have hated it ever since.  I can understand that, since the part I remember even now is where the mice were running around all evil like terrorizing people.  That’s all I see when I think of that movie or see a Nutcracker.  So, it’s weird because I love Christmas so much but at the same time I know that there will be Nutcrackers out their terrorizing me.  As for the Dark Crystal I am not sure what happened.  I remember watching the movie a lot as a child even though it scared me at times, I would watch it again.  I think there was even a point when I loved the movie.  Somewhere though I became to hate it.  I think one thing it shares with the other two is the dark characters.  I am not sure though because I love the movie The Labyrinth.  It’s a little dark too but I love David Bowie.  I mean who doesn’t love that man!  That must be why I am okay with that movie after all dark and scary things are always better when it’s someone you have a childhood crush on right!?

There is this commercial that comes on down here and I swear it freaks me out!  Well there are a few of them.  This one is for Blue Man Group.  I had never heard of them until we moved here.  I guess they are some big attraction at Disney or Universal.  They are men dressed all in black with blue paint all over their face/skin everything that’s not in black is blue.  It’s the freakiest thing I have ever seen.  I know some people are afraid of clowns and for me I have never been bothered by them.  This group of guys though!  Wow they are strange and maybe the show they perform is cool but you won’t catch me watching.  I can’t stand the commercial so much that I have to turn away.  I wonder am I the only one?  I mean they are some big thing down here.  I don’t get it.  Someone explain this craziness to me please.

 WC turned 5 this month.  I keep remembering all the little things we did over the years.  He has grown so much over the last 2.  I keep thinking that we just moved from Germany to Oklahoma.  When he turned 2 we spent the day together eating breakfast at Denny’s and then the local park that he loved.  I remember how small he was and people just loved him. I remember how on the way out of Denny’s I gave him a dollar bill and he put it in the broken game machine.  I felt bad for him because he was upset he didn’t get to play but at the same time I was happy since I had almost given him a larger bill.  I keep thinking of all those moments and wondering where all the time went.  I keep telling myself I need to write it all down because I am afraid one day I will forget or won’t be here to tell him the stories.  I want to continue to have those special moments and watch him grow.  Then I wish he would stay small forever.  I know that won’t happen.  He has started school (Pre K) and now I have to buy his clothes in the boy section.  I knew I would one day but I just wasn’t ready for it.  I guess I may never really be ready for all the milestones as they come.  But hey it’s like the saying goes one step/day at a time.

I decided to try to go back to work.  I keep hearing people talk about how hard it is to get a job and I have had 3 offers since we moved here in February.  The first was supposed to be a trainer position for a life insurance company but you had to start as a sales person first.  So, yeah that wasn’t going to happen.  The second one was to be a manager on duty for a local movie store.  They wanted to pay minimum wage and give 20 hours a week.  So once again that wasn’t going to happen.  Then I called a few Vet Clinics and what do you know I had a job.  I started on Tuesday morning.  It was just a receptionist position so this was something I could do in my sleep.  I have worked for the Army for years in Vet Clinic’s after all.  I am a quiet person at times but for the most part I like to talk and am usually the goofy one.  I make faces, skip in the halls, and do crazy silly things because I hang out with the kids all day and I think it’s just embedded in me.  But this was my first day and I was tired from being in the ER with Giggles all night.  So, knowing all the things that normally piss off the doctors I stayed up front and did the busy work.  You know the work that takes time but you never want to do.  I filed all the files from the morning clients and pulled the next days and got them in order as to how they were coming in.  I had been answering phones, and learning the computer system.  That was the funny part because at first the office manager told me she was going to wait to teach me but hey it’s slowing down and there wasn’t anything else for me to do so I started checking people out.  I had been sitting back taking note of everything, how the clinic ran and seeing where they needed a little work.  I noticed that the only time they talked was when it was to bitch about a client.  I noticed how they were somewhat rude to clients without being completely obvious.  I saw how they yelled across the counter to the clients instead of completely checking them.  There were a lot of little things that they could have done to make the clinic more efficient and run smother but it was my first day so I kept my mouth shut.  I figured in time I would bring up ideas but today was not the time.  Well lunch time came around and everyone went to lunch and I sat outside and ate and walked around the farm looking at the horses.  Then after lunch was over they started getting clients in again slowly so there wasn’t much to do and one of the receptionists asked me to come with her.  I followed her to the back and said cool you have something for me to do.  That was when she told me it wasn’t going to work out.  I looked at her and said what?  I am being fired?  Why?  I thought maybe I had pissed of a client or one of the doctors and waiting for the answer trying not to cry I was told the doctor said I was too quiet.  Too quiet!  It’s my first day it’s only been 4 hours.  What did she expect me to come in and be loud and obnoxious?  I know I was told they tried to tell her but apparently the doctor had made up her mind.  I was told sorry and that if she the doctor didn’t want me there than I didn’t want to be there either.  She would make my life hell they said.  I was upset and confused and then was told they would write me a check for my time.  What I don’t even want the money I told the receptionist.  I called DP all upset and told him what happened and he came to get me.  He had a hundred reasons of why and that it was BS and wanted to go in and yell at them.  He said no one gets fired on their first day.  Well I just did and it only took me 4 hours.  He tried to make me feel better and I love him for that and then he took me to his office where our friend who had the boys and my car was going to meet me.  Yeah I didn’t have a car I had decided that since the job was a two week trial that I would have a friend keep the boys, my car and take WC to school and just pick me up when I got off.  This way if it didn’t work out I could keep him in the same school and wouldn’t have to put either one of the boys through so much change for nothing.  I am glad I did it that way because WC doesn’t like change and this was going to give him time to get used to everything.  But in the end I didn’t have to change a thing.  I am contemplating looking again.  I really do like staying home and the freedom of not having a job but I would love the extra money.  I have called a few Vets in town and they all want me to come in and drop off a resume and fill out an application for when they do have an opening but I am not sure I want to.  I know the saying when the horse bucks you off get right back on.  I know that I should just suck it up and keep on trying but in the end I am not completely sure that working is what I want to do.  I want to go back to school and get my degree.  I want to work but I also love my time with the boys and I am just not sure I am ready to give that up.  Who knows only time will tell.  I just hope I can make it past 4 hours on the next one.           

I had to take Giggles to the ER the other night.  We had a long day of running errands and when we got home I decided to clean out the car.  The kids were playing in the drive way and being good.  Then Giggles climbed in the car and over to the driver seat.  WC then decided that he was going to get in the driver seat with him.  That was about the point I got mad and told them both to get out of the car and WC went out the door and shut it behind him.  Well, its monkey see monkey do with Giggles.  So, Giggles pulled on the door handle and pushed a little and then started to fall so he let go and the door closed.  I got a few extra grey hairs at that point but the door was closed and figured he was just going to walk to the back and get out like he got in.  Oh no he was going to be a big boy like WC and go out the door.  This time though he knew he was going to have to push on it so he grabbed the handle and pushed it open and went head first out the door.  I freaked watching it all happen and not being able to grab his feet and ran around to the car to get him.  He was screaming, his head was all bruised already and he had road rash just above his eye.  I grabbed the keys because I hadn’t even unlocked the door yet.  I tried to call DP at work but Giggles was screaming so I just asked to send DP home and hung up.  I then called DP’s cell and told WC to tell Papa that Giggles was hurt and to come home while I grabbed an ice pack and headed to the EMT neighbors house.  Trying to calm down Giggles had finally stopped crying and I called DP back to tell him we were headed to the ER.  Which one, I had no idea since I didn’t even know where the damn hospital was it was just going to be the closest one to the house that came up in the GPS.  DP met us at the ER and I was telling them again for the umpteenth time that NO the car was not moving when he fell out of it.  The keys weren’t even in the ignition.  Then we got the biggest shock of Bull Shit ever.  Tri Care wasn’t going to cover the visit to the ER that we were going to have to make a claim through our car insurance company.  If they then denied the claim tri care at that point would pick up the bill.  What are you kidding me?  If we had been stationed with a military base I would have gone to the base ER and would never had an issue with the insurance.   But no we are remote (Army term for no base at the duty station) so we don‘t have the luxury of going to a military base.  I am sick of military families complaining about the base hospital and yes I was one of them.  But let me tell you know that I don’t have one now and I miss it and see how great it really is to have.  We had great doctors and I have great doctors now but they are an hour from the house.  I choose to go to them because of how much I like them.  I have to pay for my prescriptions now and over the counter meds that I used to just get from the base pharmacy I have to buy in a local store.  It’s a lot of little things that we take for granted and my eyes have been opened to a whole new world.  My kids are always playing and doing crazy things and people keep telling me that they are going to end up in the ER.  Well you know they just might but we have tri care so we are covered I tell them.  It’s true I think I let them be a little rougher and tougher than they should be because I know that if anything happens they are covered.  I guess I might start rethinking that after this cause god only knows the next time it’s going to be oh no tri care won’t cover this because you were in the house you are going to have to call your home owners insurance policy.  Ha probably not but why chance it right?     

I must say I am going to miss my sandy backyard and playing with the boys in it.  We don’t have a lot of neighbors and have been spoiled with the big yard.  I don’t think I knew how relaxing and fun it could be outside flying a kite for the kids until we did it.  We did have a few hiccups, like WC lost control of the kite.  It actually went pretty far before getting caught on something and DP managed to untangle it for us.  Then we lost another one on the roof, which came down the next day.  All in all though, it has been really nice playing at our private little beach.  I must say I won’t miss the mess it brings and the constant baby powder and showers required to remove the sand or the constant dumping sand out of shoes.  We will though begin a new journey with a covered & screened in back porch where they can play even in the rain.  We will have an Orange tree and a Tangerine tree that we can pull the fruit off.  I am looking forward to that since I love Tangerine’s and so does Giggles.  We will have less room and a few other trees but we will be able to walk to the lake.  I think we will be having little picnics and fishing at the lake a lot.  WC wants a Rocket fishing pole so much and my mother bought him one.  The only catch is he has to learn to write his name.  He is getting there little by little and is writing some numbers on his own.  I think it’s only a matter of time and he will be out there shooting the rocket fishing pole into the water and I just pray this time we don’t lose it in the lake like before.  It would make for a long walk home.  The stories we could tell though may be worth it in the end.  After all if we don’t have a few hiccups along the way are we really enjoying life? 

We are moving at the end of the month yet again.  We get the keys to the house and have a U-Haul all set up to rent on Saturday.  The only problem is we haven’t packed a thing.  DP is going tomorrow to get the paper work for the Army to move us but we don’t know if there will be time for them to get us in.  We finally found out that the Army is stepping in and helping with people who are renting and the owners are being foreclosed but the woman who does it was out last week.  The thing that may kill us is we have to be moved out by the first and since we are so far a way we just don’t know.  Tomorrow will be the day we find out if it’s going to be an easy move or a pain.  If we have to do it then I will be visiting Wal-Mart to get boxes and I guess spend the week packing everything I can.  I am hoping it won’t be too hard since we are just going across town.  I am also hoping that after this we can actually just settle in and things calm down.  We will also have new renters in our house in Oklahoma and we were able to up the rent a little too.   I am keeping my fingers crossed the Army will be able to get us in.