Squeaky's Blog

The Power

Squeaky — Mon, 12 Jul 2010 15:00:34 +0000

The morning has been crazy. Giggles is tired and cranky! The screams and tantrums are out of control like he is. It seems every little thing has set him off. Then one of them asked for grapes. Now they both are quiet! They sat on the couch eating their Blueberry Grapes (blue/purple grapes) and Green Grapes like they were the greatest thing ever. It always amazes me how something so little can have such a great impact on them. The day was supposed to be eat breakfast and then head out to the water park. However, I think Giggles will be headed to bed for an early nap here in a few. I am hoping that cures his ridiculous attitude for the day and we can move on to our plans. In the mean time I am grateful to WC for his suggestion of buying grapes at the store.

Justified or Hypocrite

Squeaky — Tue, 27 Apr 2010 19:05:47 +0000

I always tell the boys that hate is a strong word and they should never hate anyone. Yet, I find myself hating my mother in law more and more. Every time I think I am getting over it and things could go back to the way they were when we got along something happens. Today was supposed to be a good day. It’s nice out we planned on cleaning inside and maybe a bike ride. Now I am trying to calm down from another stunt of hers. It all started going down hill in September 2007. There was a bunch of family drama that I will keep out for DP’s sake. But in September of 2007 my mother in law who I now call the monster in law moved in with us. She only lived with us for 4 months. In that time DP and I were miserable. We fought and talked about divorce so many times. Then finally on Christmas Eve it was so bad we almost spilt right then. But we went outside in the cold and talked about everything that had happened in the last 4 months. The Monster moved out the first weekend in January 2008. Things were going back to normal but somehow she kept causing us grief. It wasn’t as often and we were trying to let go of the past and move on. Then we got orders and I thought it would be over we could move on finally. She would be in Oklahoma and we would be in Florida. How was she going to cause trouble now? Well that’s when I remember if there’s a will there is a way. Last year when Giggles birthday came around she sent a card with a gift certificate for both Giggles and WC. I was upset but after thinking about it I decided to let it go and see what happened. WC’s birthday came around and nothing for Giggles just a gift certificate for WC. Okay very upset again but maybe she forgot. We made another excuse for her. Then she took it upon herself and did something so very nice for us and made it possible for us to go to Thanksgiving in SC with the family. Wow, I thought she must be turning a new side so let’s give this a try. Then it came to Spring Break and I took the boys to NC to see my grandmother and planned a surprise trip to SC to see DP’s grandparents. Well my mistake I posted it on Facebook and she told them I was coming. She told them after she put a nasty little comment about how she didn’t know I was going and how she guessed the only way she would find anything out about the boys was through Facebook. I called DP and asked him to call his mother and tell her not to tell and to talk to her about the boys. This is when I found out he had just talked to her last weekend. So yet again she was starting drama and we let it go. Then it was right before or right after Giggles birthday she called and asked what to get him. In the end she basically said to email her what we decided and she would do that since everything I suggested she couldn’t get him. Like he needed new shoes and a bike helmet and those are things he needs to be in the store with you to get. I said okay and then I forgot. DP and I just got busy and we thought about it a few times but never got around to sending the email. Well today I get the mail and there is a card in it for WC from her but nothing for Giggles. Now normally I let the boys open their own mail but I wanted to make sure she hadn’t stuck a gift certificate in it for Giggles too. I think that was too nice of me. All it was was a card saying how much she loved WC. Now I am pissed. She has the nerve to mail stuff to WC all the time. She sends him cards and coloring books and letters all the time. But has never sent Giggles a thing just because. Giggles was around 6 months before she got him a thing, not a card, no welcome to the world, no baby shower gift, nothing. But she came to the hospital the day after he was born for an hour. She came to the house and took WC on Fridays to the movies or out shopping. She has always had time for WC and always tried to think of him and I am glad she does, but at the same time I hate her for the way she treats Giggles. I swear it’s because Giggles is another boy. She wanted a granddaughter and so do other family members. The others we know want one but they have only once made a comment and it wasn’t even towards Giggles just in general. The rest of the family loves Giggles and treats the boys the same. My mom says I should let WC have everything she sends to him or he will resent me later in life. But how do I let the Monster hurt my other child too? Giggles cried today when he didn’t get any mail and yes he is only 2 but he understands. WC understands and I am sure he realizes what’s going on. I wish I could make her love him. I wish she would treat them the same. I wish DP didn’t have to see this side of his mother. I wish I didn’t have to be the one to tell him. I wish I didn’t have the vindictive bitch in me saying I hope that bitch never lives to see a granddaughter. I wish I wasn’t a hypocrite for hating her and telling the boys hatred is wrong. I wish I didn’t feel I have to protect my boys from someone that I shouldn’t have to protect them from? I wish a lot of things. But how do I explain to Giggles that his Grandmother just doesn’t seem to love him the way she loves WC? When he asks me why how do I say the only reason we know is because you weren’t a girl?

Soccer Mom

Squeaky — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 02:03:35 +0000

I am joining the rest of the mini van and soccer mom’s. WC starts soccer in 2 weeks and I can’t wait. We have already gotten his cleats, shin guards and a ball for him. He practices every chance he gets now since its still cold out. We have him wear his cleats so he can break them in and get used to them. I can’t wait for his first practice and game.

Netflix

Squeaky — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 02:01:57 +0000

We recently ordered Netflix and I already have a love hate relationship with it. I love it don’t get me wrong it is awesome to just pull up a movie on the computer and watch it on my TV. The part I hate is that WC is also in love with it and thinks he should watch a Netflix movie all day. If he doesn’t get one he starts the whole spoiled whine about how he isn’t happy. This is where I usually send him to his room to play or outside. I have to say it is really nice when I am sick and just need to veg out while Giggles is napping. The downfall is that WC is going to turn into a couch potato if I let him. So, I can’t wait for it to warm up and we can go back to being outside all day.

Not Happy

Squeaky — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 01:59:33 +0000

“I’m not happy!” This is what WC always says to me when he doesn’t get his way. Today though this is how I feel. I have been waiting 2 months to go to this concert and I can’t go! DP is taking college classes again so Saturdays are when he catches up and does all his work. This means I have the kids and we normally try to stay out of his hair for the day. It was going to be a great day. We were going to go to the park where the concert was and just enjoy life and the music. Well life had a different plan for us. We woke up to rain and gloom. Then to top it off its cold outside and if we go to the outdoor concert all of us will get sick. Thus we decided to go to the store and get out of DP’s hair for a bit and hope it would warm up and the rain would stop. Yeah that didn’t happen. It seems to have gotten colder and is still rainy. That’s not the kicker though. The worst part is that when we were in the store something has set off some of my allergies. I normally don’t have allergies, not even the seasonal kind but today something is driving me crazy. I have one eye all itchy and watery that feels all kinds of swollen and I can’t stop sneezing. I just want to scream and say “what the hell?” Why today of all days. I mean it’s like there is someone higher force that is keeping me from going by stopping me in my tracks. I took some Benadryl though and hopefully it will kick in and I will feel better just in time to make dinner. Oh but how I already said I wasn’t cooking tonight and we were ordering out! I don’t care what we eat but I am so not cooking tonight. I am on strike because “I am not happy!”

The Sad Truth

Squeaky — Tue, 16 Feb 2010 19:26:23 +0000

I have spent the last year almost trying to get to know the wives of my husband’s coworkers. They all say they want an FRG (Family Readiness Group) and to be friends. The truth is they want it and things to do but not one of them wants to do the work to have one. Hell they won’t even show up for a get together. I attended the last FRG meeting (virtual conference) for the Brigade and had planned for the wives to come to the office and do a potluck. It was later than normal hours but the guys had to work anyway. I figured we could all eat then the meeting would end and we could all go home and not worry about dinner. Well no one showed up and I said something about being at the office and it got everyone in trouble. It was a known fact that the guys worked late on those days of the week. Then last month I actually was able to attend the monthly FRG meeting (teleconference) for our company. What do you know, no one showed but me and the lady conducting it. So she asked what we needed at our station and I told her communication. We have a huge lack of it and are out of the loop. That is where it went wrong again. The woman that conducted the meeting told the brigade and the company got an earful. So, then when it went to DP and he got bitched at because of what I said and then they complained to him about me. There was a conference that was over the weekend and I was going to attend the Army was paying everything but it was short notice like less than 3 days to get everything in order. Well in the end DP had to work and we didn’t have anyone to watch the kids so I cancelled. Then the ATC (Annual Training Conference) came around and I didn’t go. The Army once again was supposed to pay for everything but at the last minute the company started to explain that we would have to pay for this and that. The only thing the Army was really covering was the room. The child care which was people I didn’t know was now going to cost per child and I didn’t want to find a dress and worry about the other expenses of going to a ball. So I stayed home. Well they through that in his face too. This he told me today after I sent an email to confirm I would attend the quarterly Brigade meeting. DP also told me that he explained that we would no longer participate in the FRG since I and the First Sergeants wife (who hasn’t contacted any of us since before June of last year) were the only people that actually wanted it and were willing to work for one. The thing that kills me the most is that these women are supposed to be my friends. We are military wives and we are supposed to stick together. Everywhere else we have been we have all been close and looked out for each other because that’s what you do as an Army wife. I thought that being here remote (away from a base) would be like Germany away from family so the guys in the office and wives all became family. I was so wrong. I love central Florida and yet I find I hate it here too. I hate the wives who always tell me I am a good friend but yet never contact me and are no where near being a real friend. They are fair-weather friends. I know they will never call, text, or email me asking how I am unless they want something. I know for a fact that one of them is about to leave and she is a friend of connivance to another wife and when she is gone the other wife will start to call again. She will want to do things together but the truth is that WC hates her oldest son. So, I need to remember this when the time comes and find my back bone and tell her no we aren’t interested. I have had my fill of friends that don’t talk to you after you move and I don’t need anymore. It only makes it harder on me and the kids. I don’t want to have to explain why another person won’t talk to us anymore when we move to WC. I have done that enough. I think it’s going to be a long 2 years until we leave. I have nothing nice to say about the last year and I have no friends here to talk to no one to confide in but DP. I almost wish I was one of the wives that could just run away home to my family and stay for the last 2 years. Then when DP would get orders somewhere else I could just meet up with him their. But this is real life and it doesn’t work that way. Instead I will have to find a way to make friends outside of the Army life and pray things get better because right now it fucking sucks being a recruiters’ wife.

Presents

Squeaky — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 07:01:02 +0000

I have been talking to a few friends about what they got their kids and how they do Christmas. I am surprised to find out that they only buy a few presents like no more than 3 or 6 per child. So, then I think about what I got the boys and just wonder. I know I am cheap and I never spend a lot on anything. I think the most I spent was on WC’s scooter which was $30 but everything else was $10 or less. I think 3 things for Giggles was just over $10. So, does not spending a lot make it easier to get more or just make me spoil them? I know a bunch of crap came from the dollar store but that was the silly things that they want. I keep thinking about what I got and where I got it from and wonder how they ended up with so much. I think maybe because I spent it in different places at different times. I know my mom helped a lot! We have a five below store back home and she picked up a bunch of stuff and sent it to me. Those were probably some of the nicer gifts too. I mean I got WC a Spiderman game for his Gameboy that he is getting for $5. The Gameboy cost me nothing though since I found it in the garage a few months ago. It was DP’s I think but we don’t use it and why not it will be great for the car and the house time he will be limited though! Then Giggles I found a few toys at Ikea (well my mom-and sent them to me), a few at Target (the ones just over $10) and had them mailed with free shipping and then a few from Family Dollar so they really did get a lot but I don’t think I spent that much on them. All the stocking stuffers came from the dollar store or clearance racks for a buck. I am really cheap and though I don’t think their toys reflect that. I know a few things might but they are things that WC asked for and has bugged me about getting like a paddle ball and a jump rope. All that being said I think I spent $100 on each kid and they have almost 20 gifts just gifts not stocking stuffers, which they have a stocking for each of them and then a stocking that is the same (like life savers, playing cards, ugh I forget but it’s the stuff you get both). So, is that too much to spend or a normal dollar amount and if no that’s about what most parents spend then is near 20 gifts too much even if a bunch are little things? They are still small so a lot of the things they get are small but when they get older I am sure it will change. I know I was stressing when I started trying to get the gifts but I looked around and shopped sales and smart I think. I don’t think I ever realized how many gifts they had until I went to wrap them. Now I keep thinking they are going to open all these presents in front of our family and I don’t know what they are going to think. I didn’t put anything on a credit card and I paid all my bills too along the way. So, why do I keep feeling like I have to defend myself for what I got them or explain that I didn’t spend a lot?

The Deliv’s Playground

Squeaky — Sun, 13 Dec 2009 02:49:29 +0000

DP had to go out of town this weekned and WC wanted to do something fun since he couldn’t go. I thought it would be nice to take WC and Giggles to Chuck E Cheese. It always sounds like a good idea when we plan it. Then we get there and it’s another story. The place was packed and the only tables that were empty were reserved. I understand that you can have parties there but wow! I mean the idea was to get pizza and then let the boys play. It took over 30 minutes to find a table and then it was too small so we atleast got a break for a while until a bigger one was available. I guess it could have been worse. But hey we got a table eventually and the kids ate and all should have been happy. However you know life is rarely smooth. The kids did have fun I have to say. Giggles had some moments of fustration. He was so tired and wanted to run around and play but it was just me and a friend who brought her daughter. We had to take turns checking on the kids and sitting at the table with the food. I mean who wants to trust people to not steal your things or spike your drinks? I guess the better thing would have been to feed the boys first and then go. I think the next time we will do that and take in a small backpack for the diapers and wipes. That would make more sense then I can run around after the kids and let them play with less stress and hassel. It was crazy and my friend that came was nice to have but we really didn’t get to talk because we were worried about the kids and too busy constantly chasing after them. I think it’s a reminder of why I don’t really take the boys to the park but have people here and spend so much time in our yard. It’s hard to talk and hang out with friends when you are constantly worried about your kids. I have to say the Play Place (indoor kids playground) is a lot better since it’s smaller and more confined too. It is more of a way to let run off energy then spend money on games. They do have a small game section but it’s more of a playground than anything else. I also think the stress level is so much smaller. The down side is according to my mother we all get sick after going. I know the last we did but we were just starting to get sick and didn’t know it. It was one of the colds that we just passed back and forth for 2 months. We would all take turns for a week being sick then better for a week or two and start over again. So, the last time it wasn’t because of going but I am not ready to put it to the test. Oh well, maybe I will learn from my mistakes and the next trip to The Devil’s Playground will go smooth after all once again we have coins left to use another day.

That’s Lame

Squeaky — Sat, 12 Dec 2009 02:21:23 +0000

The last time I took WC shopping for clothes he told me that everything I picked out was lame. I mean everything. I had to let him pick out the clothes and it was more trouble than it was worth. So, today I found him a few things and on my way to pick him up I remembered the last trip. I had to find a way to keep him from telling me the clothes were lame. I was not taking them back and he was going to be okay with it. Well I remembered our neighbors son. He is a senior in high school and he and his friend actually play with WC. WC thinks they are the coolest thing around and this was my way to not being lame. I came up with this story of how this guy just like them was in the store and I asked him what was cool and what was lame. I told him how he said the ones I bought were cool but the others lame and so I didn’t get him those. I couldn’t make him wear lame clothes! So, I told WC that I hoped he liked them and they really were cool cause the guy said they were. WC was so excited. I was worried still but when we got home he loved all of the clothes so what ever works right? I feel bad still for the tall tale I told. I guess I will have plenty more years of being told I am lame so I should I have to use all the help I can. It’s still amazing the things I will do for my kids.

Facebook: Go or No Go

Squeaky — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 05:27:27 +0000

I have two Facebook accounts and I use them both. I have to say I use the one for my site a lot less but I have it. As for my personal page I use it all the time. I am always logged into it. I love the applications and play a ton of games. I usually go strong on one game then change to a new one and go back and forth. I also like everyone else post comments and keep in touch with family and friends. It’s odd though I am not sure if I am changing or if my friends are changing. So much in our lives has changed over the last year. We have taken a different turn and I sometimes wonder if we will stay on this road or take another detour. I miss the life we had before the Army moved us here and changed DP’s job. He had the dream job he wanted, the job he joined the Army for. But the Army had a new plan for us and we like always went with it. We find a way to look at the positive in all our moves. We really believe that you make each duty station good or bad. There are some things that you can’t change that may be good or bad but if you make yourself happy in your family life it will make the time at the duty station better. So, when we moved here we were totally excited. We were finally closer to family and in Florida and a great location. The job we knew for DP was going to be hard and it has. It takes up so much of his time. Then, comes all the new coworkers and their family members that we have here now with DP’s new job and it seems that some of them live in a different place then us. There is the age gap, lifestyle gap, language issues, maturity level difference, and more. There are wives that want the whole friendship and closeness but only Monday thru Thursday. The weekends are the time when the hubby’s are home and they don’t want to be bothered with co-workers or some lame excuse of how they are worried about what their kids touching things. It seems they all say they want an office with unity and yet they don’t want to work to make it happen. Well, in the middle of this I have continued to use my Facebook account to help keep in touch with friends, family and the new people I have met here. Somewhere over the last month my eyes have become open to civilian life and the stupidity of people. I have noticed how easy and fast people on Facebook take things out of perspective and blow up. It’s stupid little things and shows a real lack of maturity. Why argue in comments back and forth? Why not be the bigger person and just walk away knowing that it’s stupid? I mean we are talking about grown people just calling others names and throwing dirt. I was so pissed tonight that I just deactivated my personal account until I can decide what I want to do with it. I know that I love the applications and yet I can play games online almost anywhere. I know I have posted my opinions and they have pissed people off but then it makes me wonder? Why do I care? It’s my opinion and it can change or stay the same but it’s mine. I have the right to say and feel what ever I want right? So, tell me you don’t agree that’s fine but I am not going to change my mind because your feelings are hurt. I am tired of listening to people bitch and complain because things didn’t work out the way they wanted. Its life it sucks, get over it. I complain from time to time but come on people can’t you just suck it up and move on? Do you have to complain every comment you make? What happened to just posting little happy things, or what’s new in life, and the occasional complaint? I love using Facebook and it’s killing me not to be able to log in and play all my silly little applications that I really don’t have time for but I just don’t know if it’s worth the headache. Who knows maybe in the morning I will have a change of heart and a plan to make it enjoyable again.